My Lost Mind & My Mr. Right

There are times when people are lost. It's ok to be lost. I get lost so OFTEN till I lost count how many times I am lost in my life. I got lost in my life, relationships and my future. People around me doesn't notice. For each and everytime when I am on to something, things just doesn't get right. After for what I had plan for my life, things just doesn't go the way I wanted. I often cries out silently holding my pillow pushing hard unto my face to cover my voice so that no one can hears it. I doesn't want the world to know how weak and vulnerable I am.

Before something happened in my family, my sister asked me why I did not cry after for what happened. It's not that I don't cry, I can't cry out anymore. My feelings go numb already cause I suffer longer than them. I hid it longer than them cause I know what had happen but I just can't bring it up. My tears are dry.

And about my life, I can't give a damn about my past already even though I am regretting greatly now but what is done is done. I can't turn back the time unless God give me a 2nd chance to choose. By that time, I will choose wisely. I won't listen to anyone. Now I don't have more time since I am the eldest in the family. I do not have extra time to spend and I don't have extra money to start a new life. I still have 4 more young siblings. I already had my chance and I'd wasted it. So I can't do anything. All I can do now is start a new life and try all my best to make my life better.

Now I had lost my creativity and passion in my artwork. I can't do anything. I am lost with ways and emotions. I do not know what I want with my skill already. I can't draw. I can't hold my mechanical pencil very well already. I am so lost without my brain or creativity.

And for relationship matters, well of course I can't think about it right now. There will be no time for me to think about it. Eventhough there is someone occupied inside me but yet I know it is impossible right now. I have to say goodbye to him for the moment. Maybe need to be in a few years. I have to shut my door.

Today, there is this one question came up on my mind after I compare 2 guy friends I had with their personality and background. My question is :

Who will you choose :

Mr.A = have a promising future, boring and dull person, doesn't care much about you but himself, doesn't really need you unless he wanted to, can't always be there for you but yet he still loves you very very much.

Mr B = doesn't have a promising future but he loves you very very much and he can always be there for you, cares you a lot more, romantic and cheerful and playful and funny. He need you like just how much you need him. He can always be there for you.

Both also from the same background like middle class family.

So tell me, which will you choose. Money over Love? or Love over Money?

This question had been bothering me for few days till I ask some friends of mine. Then I finally know which I will choose.

I will choose Mr B. Because I know what kind of person I need in my life. Eventhough Mr B doesn't have a promising future but we both can make it happen till we have a promising future. At least with a person like MrB, my life will never be dull and fill with happiness. The future we both can work it out, but I can not stand to have someone who doesn't care for me at all eventhough he claim that he loves me.

I don't need your materials to be happy. I want you to be with me to be happy. I know nowadays the society had become so much materialistic but I still wanted to look for this person. I am still searching. And the one I store in my heart, I am still thinking which Mr he is.

Money can't buy Love~

I found this picture when I was reading one romance manga...I love this page very very much... I really wish that girl is me sleeping soundly with the one you loved so much~