Back in the old days where my mum always tells me and advise me..."friends you can have but don make them your best." That time I disagree with her opinion strongly...but now...I see it already...I see everything already...it took me some time to realize but at least it's not too late by now...What my mama says is real...
Not only loosing some friends, I even felt like I wanna get away from them. I keep on feeling that, it's better to be alone than having friends. If I know I will be hurt till like this, I prefer I don have any friends from the beginning. What for I have them if they keep on hurting me and using me. Some are even try to be mature and show off saying they grown up already and wanna teach about life. Well DUH~ I know life more than you. Some are being stupid like when they being teasey on you it's ok for them, but when I tease them back they get mad and angry at me...I mean like WTF??? Ok fine, I don't even wanna bother bout this anymore. So I stop talking to people too. Cos I felt that, it's really really tiring me. I dunno how to laugh already. I felt that my life is lifeless already.
My old sickness is back too...afraid of people and hate socials. But recently, my brain started to be like, not functioning well. I can't think right anymore. I get upset and angry easily. I'd become very aggressive. I'd become someone else already. I'm different then before. Even my parents and my sister says I've changed. I'd changed a lot ever since I came to KK. Well now I know why. Thanx to those freaky-asses and today I had become what I am.
Melancholy they say...well I am a very sad and miserable and depress person. Well sorry for being what I am cos this is already the NEW me already.
"Everytime talk to you, you always angry. I don talk to u anymore next time." Well said. Then don talk to me anymore. Since every conversation u started also makes me annoyed and angry. Ever since your with that fucking rich brat you also changed a lot and become someone else already. Great, since you said that word out then fine, loosing a friend like you I am even way and more happy. I don't have to be used again or anymore. I don't have to be ur driver most of all. Since that rich brat is rich enough to help you.
Cause of you I shed tears like Hell. My heart breaks like it is broken into pieces already but continues to break and break and break again. Yes I do still feel pain but it is going numb. Once it goes numb I won't bother you anymore. I told you before, people that ever hurt me, I won't talk to them anymore. I don care either u say I am stupid or immature. If I know that person already hurts me and will continues to hurt me and still wanted me to be with that person, HELL NO.
Being friends with you for 2 years already. That fucking 2 years I see you and know you more than myself. Those 2 years I can see the Hell out of you and know what you will do and think. But I couldn't believe that you yourself, you dunno know me so much. Or should I say you don't really know me at all. If I am that kind of person that look down on other people and stuffs, from the beginning I won't be friends with you and help you till me myself also gets into trouble.
Me too also stupid. Why do I have to bother and care you since you don even bother or cares me. I should have leave you alone. I shouldn't have help you this and that. I was being dragged by you too. For what now? FOR WHAT????
Recently I started to feel that, I can't differential between right and wrong already. When ever I started to think which is right and which is wrong, I started to feel confused and black out for awhile and even felt stress. I can't think straight anymore. I even started to feel sick. Sick of everything. Recently dunno why suddenly I have a great major pain of gastric. Too many sickness and problems to deal with.
Dealing with people, I'm tired already. I chose to ignore and run away. Dealing with my health, need some time to fix it. Dealing with my assignments, I will use all my time and effort cos I must graduate no matter what.
Suffer suffer suffer...so be it.....Loneliness is meant for me from the beginning.............
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